I’ve been battling so many negative things lately that I almost forgot the one most important thing in the universe, as far as my life is concerned.
I’ve got my Mojo back! It’s been so long it’s been gone, I cannot even remember what it felt like as a small child when it was still intact.
Long ago, I locked up everything that mattered to me in a little box to keep it safe from those that wanted to take it all away from me. And somewhere along the line, I lost the key. And lo and behold, some time after I had given up searching for the key, the box opened of its own accord. (Though I personally think Kundalini snuck in while I wasn’t looking and picked the lock).
And now my creativity is flowing like a floodtide through my head, my house, my heart, my life. It’s a challenge to find the energy to use it much, but just having it… mmm… it’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten in my life and I vow never again to take it for granted.
The artist is back!
I’ve been thinking I should start my own religion. I will call it Alexendrianism. It’s all about not going to church, no dogma, no rules. There is no sin, no good or evil. There are no imperatives, nothing one should or should not do. My religion needs no followers and no one need read my spiritual writings.
When I was a teen, I was obsessed with philosophy and spiritualism, though I had read very little. I had had the physical Kundalini experience several times, the energy traveling up my spine to explode in my brain in a timeless maelstrom of sound and fear, and I can only conclude that that was the basis for my youthful obsession and feeling of aloneness in the world.
When I left home after high school, I decided to reject all of that and throw myself into life, into learning how to be a human within a society that was so foreign to me at that time that I can hardly express my profound sense of alienation. I learned how to talk to people, to go to work and perform in that environment (however ineptly). Don’t misunderstand me however, I was generally quite good at whatever work I did, but inconsistent and headstrong, with a passion for being and expressing myself in whatever I did. None of that went over well.
So now my Kundalini has reawakened and is currently storming throughout my body, wreaking havoc on my health and my entire belief structure. Oddly enough though, I find myself right back where I was at 16, quite sure of the oneness of all things and the absolute folly of absolute judgments of any kind.
So where do I go from here? Shall I be a prophet? A priestess in my non-church? Shall I retreat from society and spend my days pursuing OBEs? (Out-of-body-experiences) For all my years learning how to move through society without fear, I also find myself as I was at 16. Still certain that I do not share a great deal of awareness with other people. All these years and I find that my differentness was not just due to extreme shyness and a high IQ.
What would it have been like I wonder, to grow up in a world where others had experienced Kundalini as children and were driven to understand the nature of being, rather than just acquiring position, money and possessions? I will never know, unless in another life and vastly different world.
I woke up early, CFS raging, Kundalini energy in tandem. This is a new thing, or at least new to my awareness. It was hard to breathe and hard not to tense up, my body wanting desperately to fight off the sensations. But I forced myself to relax into it and let the energies flow through my body, intensely sexual and maddening, but with waves of nausea and pain. The more I let it flow, the worse it felt, but apparently, I fell asleep, for I woke up a few hours later.
I had dreamed a dream of my family. There were strangers there too and they were very judgmental. There was fighting, tears, frustration and judgment. I seemed to be the center of some controversy and no one understood me. It was a terrible dream.
I’ve decided to finally share with the world something that has altered my life completely. It started about 2.5 years ago… though I think I should perhaps say, re-started or re-awakened, because I think it truly began when I was a child. It is called Kundalini in the East. I have many things to share about my experiences but for now, I will just let this be an introduction. MUCH MUCH more later…
