I’ve been thinking I should start my own religion. I will call it Alexendrianism. It’s all about not going to church, no dogma, no rules. There is no sin, no good or evil. There are no imperatives, nothing one should or should not do. My religion needs no followers and no one need read my spiritual writings.
When I was a teen, I was obsessed with philosophy and spiritualism, though I had read very little. I had had the physical Kundalini experience several times, the energy traveling up my spine to explode in my brain in a timeless maelstrom of sound and fear, and I can only conclude that that was the basis for my youthful obsession and feeling of aloneness in the world.
When I left home after high school, I decided to reject all of that and throw myself into life, into learning how to be a human within a society that was so foreign to me at that time that I can hardly express my profound sense of alienation. I learned how to talk to people, to go to work and perform in that environment (however ineptly). Don’t misunderstand me however, I was generally quite good at whatever work I did, but inconsistent and headstrong, with a passion for being and expressing myself in whatever I did. None of that went over well.
So now my Kundalini has reawakened and is currently storming throughout my body, wreaking havoc on my health and my entire belief structure. Oddly enough though, I find myself right back where I was at 16, quite sure of the oneness of all things and the absolute folly of absolute judgments of any kind.
So where do I go from here? Shall I be a prophet? A priestess in my non-church? Shall I retreat from society and spend my days pursuing OBEs? (Out-of-body-experiences) For all my years learning how to move through society without fear, I also find myself as I was at 16. Still certain that I do not share a great deal of awareness with other people. All these years and I find that my differentness was not just due to extreme shyness and a high IQ.
What would it have been like I wonder, to grow up in a world where others had experienced Kundalini as children and were driven to understand the nature of being, rather than just acquiring position, money and possessions? I will never know, unless in another life and vastly different world.
